Honesty And Anxiety

So on Thursday, I am going to Paris and Disney Land with my mum. Fun right? Supposedly yes. HOWEVER. I have anxiety.

I have mentioned my anxiety a couple of times on here but never gone into much detail. And to be honest that makes me feel like a bit of a fraud. I have sometimes noticed that in my blog posts I put on a bit of a front. I act like I'm very happy with a very instagrammable life when that really isn't true. 

My anxiety and depression often affects my ability to blog. I often don't feel up to it and part of that reason is that something that I'd really like to talk about is mental health. It's a big part of my life and something that people definitely need to talk about more. 

But that's the thing, people don't talk about it. People don't understand. So many people are struggling with it like me and yet it still feels like something you shouldn't admit to.

The problem is that when you look at successful blogs you see all the exciting things that people get up to, the nice things they buy and the wonderful places they go to. And it's hard to believe that anyone would ever want to read about a girl who is struggling at most aspects of life. 

It's been a weird week so far; It started with an anxiety attack and a psychiatric assessment where I had to recount the last two painful years, I cried my way through a shift at work today and all the while I've been screaming at myself in my head "WHY DID YOU SAY YOU CAN HANDLE PARIS". 

But I've had to think long and hard about if I should say no to something that I've wanted to do since I was a kid, just because of anxiety. Everyone says "Don't let anxiety run your life" But do you know what? That's bloody hard!

Honestly? I feel stupid being anxious about this trip. Most people aren't bothered by trains, or heat or whether they're going to be sick or not. Whether people can see them or not and if they can tell that they're scared. Most people don't freak out when there are a lot of people around. Hell! I never used to. But now I do. And it's not something I can switch off just because I know how silly it is.

I don't know exactly why I've written this post. Not many people read my blog , it's not going to make that much of an impact and I haven't really worked out what I'm trying to say but for some reason it felt like something I wanted to do.

So here I am, making a big emotional word vomit. I am hoping that this trip will go well. I know it won't be crazy and amazing but if I can try and just have a bit of a nice time that will be a big achievement. For my sister, I have promised a photo of me with Anna and Elsa so that's something to work towards. I would like to see the Eiffel Tower and also make sure that my mum has a nice time too.

I'd love to here what you think in the comments. Can you relate to any of this? If you have any tips, that would be AMAZING! I'm definitely going to be talking about this topic more.

Thank you for reading this post; I hope you enjoyed it or found it interesting.

Love Sorcha

           xoxo